DMC's Owner's Guide and Manual
by vegg
Summary: Guides to take care of your DMC units...New update on new unit! PLEASE READ CHAPTER 4 !
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Devil May Cry 3 or any of it….so please don't hurt me. Dmc 3 belongs to Cap Com.

The "Owner's Guide and Manual" format/series of stories does not belong to me. I know that there are many of these out there already but I couldn't help myself…I just had to do it. This Manual thing was created by Theresa Green and other authors….I give her credit….I give her and the other authors lots of credit….so don't sue me or anything. And I give credit to everyone who made the Manual Guide format series….even if there are some Devil May Cry ones made before mine….I am sorry….I created this….I give credits…so don't sue me. The only thing I don't give is 'debit' snort

**SIDE 1**

DANTE

DEVIL HUNTER

Congratulations! You just received your very own DANTE unit, the incredibly sexy, hunky, and whorish devil hunter from the DMC series. In order to get the most out of your money and out of your unit, we recommend that you read this manual before doing_ anything_ with your DANTE! It is important that you comply to this manual…so READ IT!

**Product Information and Caution:**

**Name:** Dante: Devil Hunter, Dante Son of Sparda, Excretion of Sparda, 'Little Brother', Devil Boy, Sugar, 'Demon'….

Feel free to call him: Man whore, $$, $hit, Nipple Armor guy, Mankini dude, Stud, Honey, Sweet face, Trickster, Boo-boo, Jackpot, Babe, Sluch whatever you like…

Date of Manufacture: March 25

Place of Manufacture: Devil May Cry Twin Corp. or the Eva Company

Height: 6'0-ish

Weight: 175 lbs

Length: can make you shudder

Your DANTE should come with the following accessories:

One deep red leather trench coat (DMC3 style)

One pair of brown baggy wrinkle free leather pant

A brown holster strap thingy that attaches to the coat (also covers the nipples)

A pair of black fingerless badass looking gloves

A pair of extra big black boots complete w/ two straps and buckles

One very big Ivory™

One very big Ebony™

One Rebellion Sword™

One red amulet w/ silver chain™

"Dmc1 Outfit", "Dmc2 Outfit", "Dmc4 Outfit"(currently making at the moment), "Bunny Suit Set", "G-String and Thong Set", more outfits, devil arms, whips, and other accessories for your DANTE unit are available online, hotline, or at your local Devil May Cry Shop. Also please consult the DMC dealers for further information.

Removing your DANTE unit:

**Note**: Contents may have settled to the bottom of the box during shipping.

When you receive your Dante unit after the shipping, you will notice that he is inside a very tall rectangular box. But before you begin, you must find the manual that's taped onto this box. If you're already reading this then you are one step ahead. The tape on the box is designed especially for concealing half-devils such as your DANTE, VERGIL, TRISH, and LUCIA units. SPARDA units need pure-devil tape for securing their boxes.

Don't worry about wondering if your DANTE unit will be nude when he pops out of the box, for it is a requirement that all DANTE units must be purchased fully dressed or they will get no pizza.

**Directions to take Dante out:**

Approach the box quietly with a telephone (no cell phones, the DANTE unit do not respond to ringtones) and place it close to the box….

Or you can order a box of pepperoni and mushroom pizza and place it next to the box

Or you can holler: IS YOUR NAME DANTE, SON OF SPARDA!

Or you can tell him that he is incredibly sexy and lap dance around the box for a good two minutes saying naughty words (recommended for crazy for girls and gays and make sure no one's watching. Must also be eighteen years or older to try this method.)

Or you can scream that demons are attacking you and civilians are dying

Whatever method you used listed from the above, you must run at least run two football fields away. This is because at the moment whether the phone rings, or the scent of pizza lingers in the air, or because of your effective phrases; your DANTE unit will respond to it by firing the box from the inside with Ivory and Ebony. He will attempt to make a cool entrance and say a cheesy line such as "This party's getting crazy! Or "Whoo-hoo!" and so forth. Have a tranquilizer gun in handy and subdue him. Knock your DANTE unit out with fifty needles or more until he stops twitching. Aim for the left buttock. Then proceed to program him and give him the mode that you desire.

**Programming**

Your DANTE unit has been programmed with several useful habits and occupation. He is recommended to be an effective worker in any of the following fields:

Devil Hunter: Duh! Everyone knows that the DANTE unit kickass in this occupation because he is of course a devil hunter. This is the DANTE unit's best profession. With his swords, devil arms, and guns blazing, who can stop this psycho from pumping them brainless demons with lead.

**Chick Magnet**: Yep the DANTE unit is created to attract women and fangirls of all ages. And what kind of female would be stupid enough to not like him? The LADY unit maybe. The DANTE unit often thinks of himself as a sexy beast and he always tries to hit on girls. But 25 has been proven that he is also known to have rotten luck on women.

**Gigolo:** uh…this is really up to you and your DANTE unit to decide

**Sex Slave: **no comment

**Bodyguard:** Sure why not let him protect you. The DANTE unit is perfect for this. His quick devil reflexes can decapitate a MUNDUS plushie twenty feet away. He is can fend of the bad guys and make you feel all safe and cozy.

**Model**: Yes the DANTE unit was born with a godlike figure that can make woman and (men) drool at the sight. Rare hair color and gorgeous blue eyes, tall and well built; the Dante unit can do the catwalk and dominate all the other male models.

**Boyfriend**: The DANTE unit was born to date and settle down with a girl one day. This is for all you lonely babes out there who want the red hot devil…be glad that you purchased the Dante unit because he is going to change your life…forever!

Modes

Devil Trigger (locked until he gets stab with Rebellion. The VERGIL unit is required for this)

Sexy

Cocky (default)

Corny/Cheesy

Horny

Crazy (default)

Super Crazy (locked)

Super

Gunslinger

Trickster

Royal Guard

Sword Master

Quicksilver (locked)

Doppelganger (locked)

Serious (locked)

**Relationships with other units:**

VERGIL: Yes this is the 'older' twin brother of the DANTE unit. To put it simply, they hate each other and very rarely will they get along. It is highly recommended that your DANTE unit must never cross the path with the VERGIL unit. Unless you want your DANTE to obtain Devil Trigger (DT).

SPARDA: The Legendary Dark Knight and father of the DANTE and VERGIL unit. Also the spouse of the EVA. Frankly DANTE wants nothing to do with his father because he seems to dislike SPARDA. Yep that's pretty much it.

EVA: The beautiful spouse of the SPARDA and mother of the two twins. It is optional that you purchase an EVA unit before you get your DANTE unit. This is because she can keep the DANTE unit tidy and loved. Like they always say: the best love is a mother's love! Caution: Not to be confused with the TRISH unit.

TRISH: Suppose you could say she is the 'love' interest of the DANTE unit. She also resembles his mother. Other than that the DANTE and TRISH get along very well. Unless you want your DANTE unit to yourself and only yourself, then don't get a TRISH. DMC is not responsible for the babies that your DANTE and TRISH conceive.

LUCIA: A friend/companion of the DANTE unit. She's not very important…especially in DMC 3 anyway…no offense.

LADY: Also known as the MARY unit and will sometimes get along with a DANTE. She will even attempt to injure your DANTE unit, preferably in the head. But don't worry, your DANTE has a soft spot for her and he can't leave her alone.

ARKHAM: The bastard father of the LADY/MARY unit. His JESTER trigger pisses DANTE off to no end. So avoid them being together or DANTE will pierce his 'big nose'.

MUNDUS: DANTE hates him big time.

ENZO: Some tubby Italian that only exists in the many comics/mangas of the DMC series. He's DANTE's liaison.

**Important Directions that will benefit you and your unit:**

**Cleaning:**

Your DANTE unit tends to be very messy. He is the master of messiness and laziness. He causes havoc everywhere with his weapons. Give him items that are only necessary to him to limit the mess. Your DANTE loves to take showers and already knows how to use the toilet! So you need not to worry about training DUH! Most DANTE units like to have their backs washed or scrubbed. They also enjoy bubble baths and attention.

**Feeding: **

Yes a DANTE unit has to eat too. A balance meal of pizza and tomato juice will be fed to your DANTE three times a day. They can be picky. Beer is necessary, but that will upset your DANTE's stomach only if he consumes more than 50 gallons.

**Space:**

Your DANTE needs a lot of space. Get him his own office complete with a working phone, desk, chair, percussions, guitars, speakers, pool table, and jukebox (available at the local DMC store) But be careful because he tends to break stuff and leave things behind.

**Rest:**

The DANTE unit needs at least 8 or more hours of sleep. He would sometimes like a bedtime story. Don't ever let him sleep for less than twenty minutes. DANTE will get piss and start talking real big. If he refuses to sleep, you can always try shooting him with sedatives or tranquilizers. Remember to aim for the left buttock.

* * *

And TBC…..until next time I'll start SIDE 2. I know this will oppose people/authors/readers/politics/administrators too….but I'm prepared for it…Flames are welcome… 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Dmc3 or CapCom etc….and this is all fake so don't act so seriously. Appreciate you all for reading.

Remember Side 1 of the manual? I'm not done with Dante yet. This is Side 2

* * *

**SIDE 2**

**FAQ**

Q: I don't prefer this DANTE unit. He's kind of young. I never liked playing the Dmc3 Dante because he's too cheesy. Is there a way that I can get the Dmc1 Dante? Do you even have those?

A: As a matter of fact yes we do have the more mature version of the DANTE. All you had to do was ask. Simply tranquilize your DANTE and send him back to us. In exchange we will ship the Dmc1 version DANTE to you for a shipping fee.

Q: Can I ever get a VERGIL and a DANTE unit to live together with me? Why does it always say that they can never get along? Aren't they supposed to be identical twins?

A: The last time they were identical was when the VERGIL didn't have that up-do. The response is no, they will and never ever be together in the same house. If they do, then you have put the whole entire planet in grave danger. They can talk to each other but pretty much they don't always agree and chaos can happen. If the planet is doomed, you can't sue us for it, WE SUE YOU!

Q: My DANTE wants to run for president. I told him he was too stupid and he got mad at me. What did I say? Aren't all DANTE units stupid and corny?

A: That is not true. Any DANTE unit is born to have a dream. Some dream that they will live peacefully with their owner(s) They aren't created just to be a robotic pet or a love machine. They are free to express whatever knowledge they have, even if it is just about pizza and guns its okay for a DANTE unit to have hopes for the future. Maybe your DANTE wants to go to college, or he dreams of soaring to outer space and becoming an astronaut. Even if he wants to be a custodian, its okay. Congress has recently passed the DANTE Unit Freedom of Dream Act. So therefore if your DANTE wants to run for president; he is eligible for it. If you refuse he will be the one to put a boot up your butt.

Q: Gosh I hate it when people always pair up TRISH with DANTE and say that they will have babies! Arrgh that just makes me want to flame them all! I hate you I hate you I hate you for writing it!

A: Before you get pissed off again, let's just say that the author of this story has already stated in the disclaimers that these facts are fake and the TRISH and DANTE can do as they please. Heck they can of course have children. You might end up having a cute sweet little girl named the DRISH unit or a handsome baby boy name TRANTE. If they are lucky and produced twins (TRASH AND DINTE) then that is even more awesome. The DANTE can even get along with the MARY/LADY and the LUCIA unit. They might end up with children named Lante, Dady, Ducia, and Bob

(Note: the babies can only be purchased through conception of the two units and God)

Q: Oh my gosh its me again. Your previous question didn't help me at all. And I hate you for making that up

A: Blah blah shut up...

Q: Can I stop my DANTE unit from drinking so much tomato juice? I just don't like it when he has tomato breath.

A: Why would you want him to stop? Tomato juice is very healthy. We give two thumbs up for the DANTE unit for understanding his nutritional needs. Besides you can't separate DANTE and his beloved tomato addiction forever. It is a requirement that he should have a handy supply of it. One of the units whom we thought that is not quite healthy is the VERGIL unit, but that's another manual so you can wait for it later.

Q: Where can I purchase the NEVAN guitar for my DANTE unit? He's been asking for one for quite a while now.

A: There are two methods of course.

Buy it at your local DMC store/hotline/online

Get a NEVAN unit and convince her to fall into DANTE's arms and make him shoot her in the belly. She then will tell him that his father was a handsome devil and then she will caress his abs (eww) Then before you know it _POOF_! Ta-dah the NEVAN unit has become a guitar. It is a good birthday present for the DANTE unit. The VERGIL unit however is another story.

Q: I was reading my book one day and then suddenly everything went slow-motion including me! How can I get my DANTE unit to stop playing around with his Quicksilver?

A: You have him in Quicksilver mode duh! Just reprogram it and he will be fine. The DANTE units have no idea that their right armpit is the contraption where the reprogramming is located. Unless they're accidentally reading this manual than they will discover the horrifying intentions that we have in mind for them.

WARNING: DO NOT LET YOUR DANTE OR ANY OTHER UNITS READ THIS MANUAL OR A REVOLT OF UNITS WILL ARISE AND TERRORIZE THE PLANET AND WE CAN'T SUE ANYONE ANYMORE BECAUSE WE WILL ALL DIE!

TO THE DANTE UNIT (WHO HAD ACCIDENTLY READ THIS):

DANTE, SWEETY PLEASE PUT THE MANUAL AWAY AND FORGET WHATEVER JUST HAPPEN. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT WORLD DOMINATION. IF YOU DON'T COMPLY WITH BELIEVING THIS IS FAKE; YOU WON'T HAVE PIZZA! PUT IT DOWN NOW!

**More FAQ/ TROUBLESHOOTING**

Q: My DANTE won't make out or do it with me. Is this normal?

A: You sure are some horny idiot but I will comply to your request. The DANTE is a player, he only hit on girls to get attention. He doesn't actually 'do it'. Not all DANTE are the same. Some can get their freak on or can be a good boy depending on their mood or however they were programmed to be. Perhaps you have him in a wrong mode, tranquilize him and change it to Sexy mode for a more satisfied customer.

Q: My DANTE unit keeps sneezing. His sneeze made me lost ten houses so far and now I am living in the streets because of him. Why is he so disastrous?

A: You should have contacted us the moment his first sneeze was indicated. That is a MAJOR DEADLY glitch! Immediately send your DANTE unit back for us to fix it and we will ship it back to you with absolutely no charge. (To cover up any further defamation or suing our company because of these mistakes; we will gladly buy you a new house and a white pony so that you can continue to keep your DANTE and other units).

Q: Help me! A DANTE in blue just attacked my DANTE unit at the park! My precious unit got turned into an ugly alien-like creature! Oh my gosh he's so hideous! And he keeps transforming into that form! It's like he's obsessed with it or something!

A: Congratulations, even though your reaction was negative, your DANTE was stabbed by a VERGIL unit. DANTE now obtained Devil Trigger, be happy we are so proud of you! Now DANTE can fly like crazy! Whoo-hoo!

Q: My DANTE unit has really spiky hair and he does not say cheesy words at all. And he's quite anti-social.

A: Holy frick! That's not the DANTE unit. You have somehow received the VERGIL unit dressed up in DANTE's attire (a.k.a. the VERTE/VANTE/DERGIL/DANGIL unit) This has been a serious error. These units were never meant to be sold. An estimation of sixty or more of these units had been accidentally shipped. Our advice is for you to return the unit back to us immediately. In return we will ship you the real DANTE unit with no charge. (We will even bribe you with a free white pony to prevent you from defaming or suing our company) tee-hee

Q: My DANTE unit won't take a shower. How can I get him to clean himself? My friend's DANTE unit enjoys regular bathing and does not stink. I literally cry myself to sleep because my unit is so uncompromising.

A: Now that is quite rare because all DANTE units love to be lavished in warm water and attention. But is no surprise that he can be a 'dirty' little pig too. If your DANTE unit does not cooperate with you, you know the drill

Follow these steps:

Load up your tranquilizer gun

Hit that ass until he falls flat on his face

Drag your DANTE to the tub/shower….whichever you prefer

Proceed to clean him (make sure water is warm)

(This may be fun for girls, gross for straight guys, and sexy for gays)

* * *

TBC Sorry for short chapter….Side 3 will be up next time. Thank you for encouraging me to write this….I was almost going to delete this…I will pursue on to write about the VERGIL, TRISH, LADY, ARKHAM, KALINA ANN, EVA, SPARDA units…etc… once school is over. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Dmc3 and you cannot defame me because all of this is fake.

Note: Attention all manual owners! It appears that the CapCom forgot to inform the Eva Factory, Hell Land Corp, and many other Devil May Cry industries about the new DMC4 units. Therefore some parts of the DANTE UNIT manual (side 1 and 2) might be rewritten (because the author went through a bitch fit over for over three months just to gain new knowledge about Dmc4) it will be rewritten…not right now though. There will be a NERO UNIT added but that won't appear until more information is gained. We apologize for our inconvenience.

Due to the many responsibilities of the DANTE UNIT…this manual will perhaps never end. (Just Kidding?)

* * *

**SIDE 3** More FAQ, Troubleshooting, and Other 

**Problem:** My DANTE unit wanted to audition as himself for the Devil May Cry Motion picture(s). I encouraged him to go but then realized that thousands of other DANTE units (both young and old) were also interested in the role. The outcome of the audition was most upsetting. All 12,897,849,945,452 units were turned down by the director. Can you imagine that! The director says Dante's role will be played by a human…excuse me!!! I have a problem with this because I just don't think there is a single guy in the world who can look or imitate the DANTE unit(s). I'm just so pissed right now and that is why I wrote this for you to help me out. I want justice...no one can be the real Dante except mine!! Please answer to my distress. from a hyper fangirl

**Answer: **I can't help you. The manual does not comply with your ridiculous story even though we've heard hundreds before. Don't sue us for not answering, we're only writing this manual to keep food on our tables and feed our children. We're not involved with making the movie nor do we care if the DANTE units get the lead role or not. And besides, get real, there were not that many DANTE units there for the audition. It was only about 37 that were witnessed being there. You're such a big exaggerator.

**Problem: **Help! I lost my DANTE unit in the park/Japan/NY/North Pole etc… How do I find it back! He's probably out there all alone and sad. And what happens if I mistake other DANTE units as my own.

**Answer:** You must either be very smart or very dumb to lose your DANTE unit. Or perhaps your DANTE unit was the dumb one. These cases are quite rare. There are two methods of finding your DANTE unit.

Call your local Dmc unit operator (1800-911-9111)

Or read this manual if you were wise and had kept it safe under your pillow or whatever.

Both of these methods can help you buy or find the DANTE unit location device in your shipping box or local Dmc store ($50.00)

The device of course only has two buttons.

The red button locates where your DANTE unit is.

The green button commands him to come home.

Simple and (gay) easy as it sounds.

Remember this; do not contact the police or anyone except the Dmc operator because no one gives a damn about where your DANTE unit is at.

Don't post up missing pictures or signs of your missing unit.

It just doesn't work because that will only confuse other DANTE units to think they are the real missing unit…and then everything screws up… chaos happens…next thing you know it you are facing a lawsuit and then we get sued etc…Just don't do it okay?

**Question:** Can his hair grow longer? (I want it to look like Sephiroth)

**Answer:** Yes it is possible but it is recommended that you don't let it grow too long because the DANTE unit will not like it. Never spike his hair either…come on guys have you ever seen a DANTE unit (besides the VERGIL unit) with spiky hair? Even inside all the DMC games that you've played, has DANTE ever spiked his hair up? Didn't think so.

**Question:** Can his hair be dyed?

**Answer:** Nope absolutely not. You may grow his hair, punish him, love him, make him turn gay…but you will NEVER change his hair color. Not black, not grey, not blue, not even platinum blonde! He is proud of this trait from his papa unit. If you do succeed in dying it…you're going to die before sundown. (And don't say we didn't warn you.) You can always use temporary hairspray on special occasions.

**Problem:** Help! A strange DANTE unit attacked my DANTE unit and this time its not one of those mutated VANTE/DERGIL/VANGLE/VERTE units. This DANTE unit just came out of nowhere and mangled my precious unit on the spot. OMG what should I do? Other people's DANTE units are being executed by the mysterious DANTE. He looks very evil and has stubble on his face. (And I don't even like stubble!)

**Answer: **Holy crap! That's the prototype Dmc4 DANTE unit that was believed to have escaped from the Eva Factory. The unit was not considered to be the official product. It is still being tested for complications and efficiency. There is a glitch that makes him believe he should destroy all the NERO units. This is probably why the Dmc4 DANTE unit was killing off any Dmc3 unit it encounters. The horrifying truth is that it doesn't know that the NERO units are not even created yet. So thus the Dmc4 DANTE unit confuses himself in thinking that the Dmc3 DANTE units are the NERO units.

**WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING**

**Attention owners of the Dmc3 DANTE units.**

The CapCom special SWAT team is being sent to subdue the Dmc4 DANTE unit.

Wherever you are, hide your Dmc3 DANTE units in a safe and secured area.

Needle their butts if you have to, lawsuits can come later. It is unknown of where the Dmc4 DANTE unit will attack.

Surprisingly it doesn't seem to be a threat to the Dmc 1 & 2 DANTE units…or any other Dmc units…not even the VERGIL units.

**Problem:** I have a really bad dream the other night. I dreamt that all the DANTE units came together and started an attack on Earth.

**Answer:** Please do not even go there. I know the rest of your dream so shut up. You have been watching way too many clone movies. To be honest we know that the DANTE unit will never do that because they would be that dumb to that….would they? We don't even know ourself. So far no DANTE unit invasion had started.

THANK YOU

Thank you for your questions and problems, we tried our best to answer each with truth and honesty. We hope that you enjoy your DANTE units and other units as well. For any further information, please contact the Dmc operator for special manuals. May you find satisfaction and great experiences from your purchased product.

* * *

TBC 

I will start the ARKHAM unit next (boo)…aww come on…he's not that bad.


	4. Arkham surprise

Disclaimer: I do not own Devil May Cry 4. CappyCom does and I'm jealous of them. (Crosses arms and pouts like a 3 year old child)

When I said Arkham Units….I changed my mind to a Vergil unit because I was bored. its its been four years since I did another fanfic.....

**VERGIL**

**DARK SLAYER**

Congratulations! You just received your very own VERGIL unit! The VERGIL unit is the older twin of the DANTE unit from the DMC series. As a fact, the VERGIL unit sold 1 million copies more than all the DANTE units after two hours of its release. (It took nearly three weeks sell 5,000 DANTE Dmc 3 units) According to our records and data, the VERGIL unit is the MOST successful product in our DMC COMPANY. In order to get the most out of your money and out of your unit, we recommend that you read this manual before doing_ anything_ with your VERGIL unit! It is **EXTREMELY** important that you follow this manual…**READ IT!!!!**

**We are not responsible** for all the VERGIL units desiring to enter the demon world or taking over the world. HOWEVER, as stated in the DMC unit handbook, under law number #123:

We now have insurance for your DMC units.

**Product Information and Caution:**

**Name (s): **Vergil, Gilver, Nelo Angelo, 'Son of Sparda',

**Other alternative names are: **Master, The Blue One, Blue-Boy, Big Bro, Gil, Verg, Vergy, Vergie-poo, Ver-bo, Vergilnator, Vergin, Badass, Powerhouse, Baby-blue

bottoms, Silverbella, Mr. Grumpy, Lone-wolf, Gerbil, Spiky, Pretty-boy etc…

Date of Manufacture: March 25 (same as DANTE dmc 3 unit)

Place of Manufacture: Devil May Cry Twin Corp. or the Eva Company

Height: 6'0-ish

Weight: um…..same as DANTE?

Length: pure ecstasy….er I mean WOW it's so impressive!!!

Your **VERGIL** should come with the following accessories:

One Blue satin/silk three tail trench coat with yellow trimmings™ (DMC3 style)

One blue-black leather vest with black cravat ™ (no showing of the neck, nipples, and abs like the DANTE 3 UNIT)

One pair of black reptilian skin-like textured pants ™ (the tightness compliments his glorious backside)

A pair of tan-brown fingerless badass looking gloves™

One pair of tan-brown knee length boots™

One Yamato sword with sheathe™

One red amulet w/ 8 karat gold chain™

One pair of black lacy panties (haha…..just kidding)

Beowolf gauntlets™, Alastor™, Ebony™ gun, Sparda costume™, Regency fashion, Bunny ears, Temen-ni-gru tower play-set ™, Vergil's own trademark hair-gel, trade-mark cologne, black magic, whips, chains, clothes, devil arms and other accessories for your VERGIL unit are available online, hotline, or at your local Devil May Cry Shop. Also please consult the DMC dealers for further information.

**WARNING**: Contents may have settled to **right side** of the box during shipping.

**An even bigger WARNING: **High-risk Dmc unit insurance is needed for a Vergil unit because one can never expect or predict when the Vergil unit will take over the world, destroy property, or even cause death.

Most Dmc units such as the Dante unit, Kyrie unit, Nero unit, Lady unit, Sparda unit, Sanctus unit, Nevan unit, and Arkham unit are never really troublesome so it may not be necessary to get insurance for them.

**Removing your VERGIL unit:**

When you receive your Vergil unit after the shipping, you will notice that he is inside a very tall human-sized box. Just like the Dante unit(s), the Vergil unit is sealed in heavy-duty-half-devil-proof-duct tape. Locate the Manuel attached to the box for further instructions.

The Vergil unit was supposed to have a sexy-delicious mode. Due to the suggestions and tyranny of the CapCom officials, we were forced to obey their command. (We are a lesser company after all and our earnings also go to CapCom) The officials claimed that a sexy-delicious Vergil is very 'un-Vergil' and is not Vergil-like or Vergil-enough to the real character. So the Vergil unit is devoid of any other modes and feelings other than his in-game personality.

**Directions to take Vergil out:**

Due to the murderous and highly violent personality of the Vergil unit, the only way to get them out is to suck up to their conceited mind.

1) You can get him out by calling him 'Master' and kowtowing on the ground for five minutes. Show some fear and awe to boost his ego…..that way….the Vergil unit will spare your life for about three minutes….which is enough time for you to reprogram him to a safer mode.

2) Bribe him with the Temen-ni-gru replica playset™, which is found in our local dmc stores. The Temen-ni-gru™ playset is a smaller version of the real Temen-ni-gru tower from the game. It is a height of only five feet, and erects to a total height of twenty feet, which is totally appropriate to your Vergil unit. When he inspects the tower and is in deep thought (he knows that the tower is fake), be ready to reprogram him.

3) You can tell him that Dante was a way stronger and cooler fighter/ warrior/son of Sparda, and that will make him steam in his own thoughts long enough for you to reprogram him…..better hurry because he will lop off your head. Whatever you do, never purchase a Dante unit along with a Vergil unit. They do not get along like what you see in fanarts, doujin, yaoi and fanfictions. It is a rule that both a Dante and a Vergil unit cannot live together in the same house. Unless you want your friend's Dante 3 unit to have devil trigger; you may unleash your Vergil unit on him.

4) Tell him you know the way to the demon world and make up some fake tale about getting him there. Don't make the tale too ridiculous like he'll have to sleep with you…telling him that Nero is his son…or that there is some mystical seven dragon balls he needs to find. Vergil will just make you expire on the spot. His hand speed is at 1,000 mph. With that speed your head and torso will hit the ground before you realized you're dead. (Dante's hand speed is 500mph).

Or if any of the above is too hard for you…..one of the easiest ways to avoid your death and successfully enjoy your Vergil unit is to get a tranquilizer gun in handy and subdue him. Knock your VERGIL unit out with fifty needles or more until he stops twitching. Aim for the RIGHT BUTTOCK. Then proceed to program him and give him the mode that you desire.

**Programming:**

Your Vergil unit has been programmed with **very few **useful habits and occupation. He is recommended to be effective in any of the following fields:

**Devil Hunter:** Duh! That's probably what he did before he became a power-hungry whore falling into the dark side. The Vergil unit is very efficient and perfect for this…no other words could describe it. Bounty hunter and criminal investigator may also fall into this category.

**Power-hungry fiend: **Yes the Vergil unit does thirst for power over the entire world…perhaps even the universe. He can try all he want to take over the world but along with your creativity…you can play along and go on an endless journey with him to make him feel like he's doing something important. Take a cruise in the ocean, visit Italy or China and pretend that there are hidden clues of power there. Maybe you can ship him off to a different planet or galaxy where he can rule over some poor unknown beings. The hard part of this job is making sure he never finds out that you've been lying to him. That can cause body parts to fly everywhere.

**King of your house:** If there is anything that a Vergil unit does best, it is being the boss of you and your house. So basically you don't own him but he owns you! He considers you his slave and peons. You're just his servant and his provider. Fangirls usually dig this because who wouldn't want to be Vergil's slave? You get to be close and personal with him. Prince, Ruler, Lord and Master also fall into this category.

**Neighborhood Watcher:** Yeah the Vergil unit likes to stand and stare at stuff a lot. He can stand on top of Temen-ni-gru and be as still as a statue all day long. His eye vision, sense of hearing and smell is excellent, he can smell and hear the skin color, hair and gender of people miles away before even seeing them. How great is that? He can even close his eyes and predict uninvited guests....so you will never have to worry about burglars or thieves trying to rob your home.

**Librarian:** Yeah he reads…but only about the demon world and powers of the dark side. He might read about black magic, voodoo, or ways of taking over the world. The Vergil unit can work in a library since he is known to stick his nose into a thick book…who knows;mmaybe he might even write his own novel someday.

**Boyfriend, Lover, boy-boy, hubby etc…:** The Vergil unit is so not into this, it is rare that he will grow to love you. The word and emotion 'love' is not in his program. He will be cold, distant, and treat you badly like some sad drama series (the type where the guy mistreats the girl). The Vergil unit is build to tolerate his hyperactive owner (if it is a fangirl). Tricking him into sleeping with you will get you killed but worshipping him and lavishing his ego with high praises will make him create an understanding between both owner and unit. The Vergil unit's trust is slowly gained through a lot of patience and mostly a$$-kissing. Usually he has a mode called Mellow….and that mode can make him….well….mellow.

The Vergil unit can have a lot of vanity and like to be in control. Encourage him with phrases such as "oh evil one, how may I serve thee…" Avoid phrases like, "Oh my god Vergil honey! Let's frickin make some babies!" If you're a fangirl and you said this when he is not in the mellow or powerless mode….prepare to scream in agony as your boobies fall off. The Vergil unit is bound to dodge kisses and words of love...he will readily hold Yamato in hand and decorate the room with your dead body.

Very different from the other Dmc units that come with many personalities; the Vergil unit comes with an already 'accomplished' personality.

**Modes:**

Cold and Ruthless (default)

Violent and Heartless (default)

Dark Slayer (default)

Devil-Trigger (default)

Feisty (locked)

Powerless (triple-locked) (yes there is this mode….to make Vergil completely powerless in terms of not being able to devil trigger or kill…but he can still yell at you).

Mellow (Locked)

Super (Locked)

Nelo Angelo (Locked)

Super-Ultra-violent (double-locked)

Sexy-delicious (does not exist in the Vergil unit….but if you pay S1, 000,000,000,000 plus tax for an upgrade….it just might)

**Relationships with other units:**

**DANTE:** The so called 'Lil Bro' of the VERGIL unit. Crazy, cocky, corny, cheesy, and goofy….the list goes on and on. DMC would've never happened without this red boy. Identical twins and yet heated rivals. It is highly recommended that your VERGIL unit must never cross the path with a DANTE unit. Unless you want the DANTE unit to obtain Devil Trigger (DT).

**SPARDA:** The Legendary Dark Knight and father of the DANTE and VERGIL unit. Also the spouse of the EVA. Vergil worships his father's awesomeness and eats his dust. He is ever searching for Sparda's power and will never stop until he gets what he want. Vergil is even willing to share his father's odd sense of fashion….without the monocle of course!

**EVA:** The beautiful spouse of the SPARDA and mother of the two twins. Although he respects and perhaps even loved his mother; Vergil had always believed that she had a softer spot for DANTE. There will be some times where the VERGIL doesn't want to hear the name of his mother being spoken out loud. He is programmed to think about her death a lot. Caution: Not to be confused with the TRISH unit.

**TRISH:** The VERGIL unit gets extremely annoyed at this mom look-alike unit. He will insult and say that she is a fake. He considers her a low-life two-bit whore with the face of his mother but the attitude of a whore. So avoid letting them be alone together. The TRISH unit will most likely end up in a garbage bag.

**LUCIA:** The Vergil unit doesn't care about her or acknowledge her…..because she's not important. If he sees her….she will end up as a huge disemboweled mess on the floor.

**LADY:** Also known as the MARY unit …well….the VERGIL unit will call her by her real name and refer to her as a foolish girl. The LADY unit is most likely upset over his rudeness and will try to shoot him. The VERGIL unit's signature kill for the LADY unit is leaving her limbless and writhing in a pool of blood.

**ARKHAM:** The bastard father and insane buffoon clown of the LADY/MARY unit. His JESTER trigger pisses VERGIL off to no end. So avoid them being together or VERGIL will bring hell upon the old fool. He will literally kill and revive the ARKHAM unit just to have ARKHAM stabbed again.

**MUNDUS:** The VERGIL unit is extremely bothered by the fact that the ruler of the demon world would turn him into Nelo Angelo. So he wastes no time trying to beat the sh*t out of the infamous devil ruler. Avoid putting the VERGIL unit with any other because he'll just end up wanting to chop them all into confetti.

**BEOWULF:** Vergil turns him into gauntlets so if you value your BEOWULF units…avoid crossing paths with a VERGIL unit.

**NEVAN**: A slut succubus….the VERGIL unit will cut her up as well.

_Continue to next page for Feeding, Space, FAQs, and Trouble-shooting your Vergil unit._

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And to be continued……………….i will stop here because i'm not sure if this will be any good. I will upload the rest of the Vergil manual next time! Sorry about this chapter….its not as great as it sounds…but I'm trying to make it funny.


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